Are you, in fact, “The Drama”?

Which of the 5 are you?

Are you surrounded by drama? Do others come to you to gossip about what’s happening with people you know and even the ones you don’t? Is it nearly always negative? Do you find yourself repeating what you were told as either a topic of conversation or a way to bring attention to yourself?

I asked myself the same questions and I’ve come to realize that sometimes, I am “the drama”. With this in mind, I conducted a little research and decided to use what I’ve learned to help others. I created 5 characteristics I would like to share with you.

So let’s look at some of the characteristics of those who are in fact, “the drama” as it pertains solely to you being on the receiving end of information. After reading, determine which characteristic mirrors your most common reaction.

The Spreader

Spreaders can’t help but to repeat the latest gossip to any and all who are willing to listen. Although they are sometimes engaged in the conversation, other times they are a fly on the wall. Spreaders gather information and run to the next person. They want to be the first to spread the news. A spreaders coined phrase is “I just happen to hear”.

The Concerned Party

The concerned party will go to the source directly or will go to someone close to the source to find out what’s going on. Their approach comes from a place of concern, when what they really want is to gather information so they can tell the next person. they take pride in their information coming from a reliable source as it feels less gossipy that way. A concerned party’s coined phrase is “I was worried about (insert person) and (the source) told me….”.

The Instigator

Instigators have no idea of what’s really going on, so when they spread the news, it’s tainted with their own opinion. The danger with an instigator is their opinion can usually be expressed as a fact, and thus sticks to the story line as it spreads. The instigators coined phrase is “I believe”, or “I think”.

Those who display characteristics of NOT being “the drama” are:

The Deader

Nothing will be absorbed or re-routed with a deader. This person will not entertain gossip or drama and shut it down. A deader will sometimes refer you to the the person you are speaking about. A deader’s coined phrase is “maybe you should ask (insert name) directly”. A deader may even refrain from comments altogether.

The Fixer

Fixers will bring everyone involved together to discuss and resolve an issue. The fixer’s coined phrase is “let’s pull everyone together and fix this”.

If you are anything other than a deader or fixer, you could be considered “the drama”.

A few things to consider:

1. Once gossip is introduced, we need to ask ourselves, “how can I help this situation?” Sometimes you will need to step into the deader or fixer role. People who are “the drama” usually want to keep the rumors or gossip going as it entertains them.
2. We don’t need to include ourselves in drama to fit in. We need to realized that we may be harming another person, not helping.
3. There’s nothing wrong with listening, but take caution with what you decide to do with that information.
4. Here is what you can do in case you are hearing about a difficult situation directly from the source: 1) Be empathetic – try to understand where someone is coming from, and use that understanding to help guide your conversations; 2) Listen more than you talk – it is easier to understand someone else’s perspective if you are actively listening; 3) Offer solutions – try to think of constructive and realistic ways to help the person you are talking to; 4) Respect the person’s right to choose – even if you disagree with their choices, it is important to respect their right to make their own decisions; 5) Be honest – honesty is always the best policy, and it will help build trust and stronger relationships; 6) Be a trusted source, please don’t repeat the information you received. You were trusted enough to be informed. Don’t use it as a way to bring attention to yourself.

I hope that these characteristics can help you make a positive difference within yourself and in the lives of others

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